


Something to Live For

by sparrowswing



Category: Trigun
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Bittersweet, Darkness, Friends With Benefits, Gun Oil is Not Lube, Gunplay, Guns and Sex Don't Mix, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Oral Sex, Scars, Silence, Stay safe y'all, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unrecognized Emotions, Unsafe Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 06:36:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13630701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparrowswing/pseuds/sparrowswing
Summary: The sight of the gun catches on his nipple and he gasps, but still no words are said.  Down it travels... lower... lower... across his ribs and over his stomach, pressing in for just a moment at his navel.  Safety still off; a slow, painful death still a twitch away.  And it's hot in ways his mind refuses to process.





	Something to Live For

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is about a million years old. Or at least five, since that's when I imported it to Drive and promptly forgot it ever existed. Enjoy!

He doesn't knock on the door. What's the point anymore? Instead he pushes it open and steps into the darkness. No hesitation. The door closes behind him, and before his eyes can adjust he feels the cold steel of a gun pressed harshly into his neck. If he strains he can hear the other man breathing, but there's no movement. He's sure Vash knows that it's him, but the gun is still there, safety off, imprinting itself into his flesh. How long would it take, he wonders, for him to bleed out if shot at this angle? He knows it would kill him, but how quickly? Would Vash say anything? Would he move the body? Change rooms? Or would he just go back to sleep, ignoring the growing pool of blood soaking into the rough wooden floor? It's a strange feeling to ponder his own death without a shred of worry or remorse.

But Vash knows why he's here, knows what he wants. And after a while he does move, giving in, just a little. A rough hand wraps itself in the fabric of his shirt and begins pulling it up. When it's up to his neck, the gun begins a slow trail downward, dragging across his skin and raising goosebumps. The sight of the gun catches on his nipple and he gasps, but still no words are said. Down it travels... lower... lower... across his ribs and over his stomach, pressing in for just a moment at his navel. Safety still off; a slow, painful death still a twitch away. And it's hot in ways his mind refuses to process. He's fully hard when the gun finally drags over the front of his pants. The pressure feels better than it should, and he knows that's the adrenaline. The barrel presses hard between his balls and he whimpers, a humiliating, pathetic sound. But god it's hot.

He's actually startled when the safety finally clicks on. The gun is stashed away god knows where, and Vash pounces, shoving him hard against the wall and crushing their lips together. It's a fight for dominance that Nick doesn't even try to win. The blonde tears at the button of his jeans, fights the zip, his hand reaching in and stroking hard and fast. It's more pain than pleasure, but it doesn't matter. Like the teeth worrying at his lip don't matter. Like the cold metal of the hand on the back of his neck holding him in place doesn't matter. Without warning Vash drops to his knees, tugging his friend's jeans down his thighs and swallowing him deep, like a drowning man gulping down air. Nick threads his fingers into spiky blond locks and drops his head back against the grimy wall. Nothing should feel this good.

It's far too soon when he finds himself approaching the edge, and he almost lets go. Instead he tugs at the hair between his fingers, and when that doesn't work he utters a hoarse, "Stop!" The word is quiet, but it echoes in the tiny room. It's the first word uttered between them, and it feels more poignant than it is. Vash listens, backs away and gazes at him in faint light filtering in through the filthy window. Nick realizes Vash is naked, has been naked this whole time, was probably waiting for him. He's not sure what that means, if it means anything at all. The blonde stands and crosses the room, climbing onto the bed and waiting on hands and knees. And that's strange too, but he doesn't say it. He kicks off his pants and follows, kneeling on the bed behind Vash. He runs a finger along his crease, just to be sure, and finds the familiar slickness of gun oil spread where it doesn’t belong.

He lines himself up and pushes in slowly. At first there's no response. No gasp or hitch in breath, no sob of pain or pleasure, just the slightest tensing of muscles. He sets a slow pace, trying his best to be gentle. Vash pushes back against him, rolls his hips to meet each thrust, tries to speed up their pace. His voice sounds broken when he grates out, "Harder!" Nick knows that's what he wants, but is it what he needs?

He ignores the demand, leaning over the blonde and burying his face in the curve of his neck. Vash whines and tries to move, continues rolling his hips in the hopes of going faster, harder. Nick nips at his neck, soothing the bite with his tongue. Vash tastes of salty sweat and a faint tang of metal, but there's something beyond that, something uniquely Vash, something that reminds Nick of the flowers Vash sometimes talks about, flowers and springtime and rainstorms. Vash is a creature of life, as much as people want to believe he is the harbinger of death. As much as Vash believes it too.

Nick wraps his arms around the blonde, feeling every scar and staple dragging across his skin, and pulls him up so they're both kneeling. Vash turns to look at him, but he doesn't meet those stormy green eyes. He has to arch his neck to kiss the blonde, but it's worth it to hear the man moan in response. And this is different than before too. Has he ever heard Vash moan like that? He lets his hands roam across the other man's flesh, mentally cataloging the responses to every touch. He makes a point to remember which scars are more sensitive than the skin around them and which seem to have no sensation at all.

Breaking the kiss and trailing lips and tongue across the man's shoulders, he finds one of those sensitive scars and exploits it, licking and nipping it while his hands continue their exploration. The blonde's moans are louder now, his breathing faster, even though their pace is still slow and gentle. He finally lets one hand find the man's arousal and tease it. Vash gasps and reaches out with his mech hand to steady himself against the wall. With his other hand he grabs Nick's hip and urges him faster. He gives in, finally letting Vash control the pace as they near completion.

Vash is gasping, moaning, straining, his body arched in a tense line as he gets closer and closer to that edge. Nick can't help but tighten his grip, drag his teeth along whatever flesh is closest to his mouth. His teeth catch on that sensitive scar and Vash cries out as he comes. Nick is only seconds behind him, wrapping his arms tightly around the other man and moaning into his neck as what feels like weeks' worth of tension melts away in seconds. They stay like that, leaning on each other as they catch their breath.

Eventually Vash falls to the bed, Nick lowering himself next to the blonde and staring at the ceiling. Even in a blissful haze, his mind is circling vaguely around ephemeral concepts like life and hope, wondering if this strange feeling lingering in his gut is the thing they’re fighting for. Vash turns his head and gives Nick a small smile - not the huge grin of carefree abandon he shows everyone else, but the small, genuine smile Nick’s uncertain anyone else has ever seen. His eyes are a bit lighter now, clearer, as if a burden has been lifted from his battered shoulders.

As Vash curls into him and slowly drifts off to sleep, Nick decides that smile is something to fight for, something to die for… maybe even something to live for.

**Author's Note:**

> Want to leave a comment but not sure what to say? Tell me about the last anime you watched.


End file.
